A Take on Dowry System

Many people demonize dowry system and can’t say anything about it other than monotonous criticism. Here is my quick take on the system in which bride’s parents give a sum of money to the groom’s side at the time of their marriage. This often happens by demand – boy’s side fixing the amount and groom’s side can either pay up or leave the proposal – or else it can happen voluntarily.

When we come to the criticism of dowry, let us remember that most often the same parents who criticize dowry when asked for their daughters, demand dowry for their sons. Is it not hypocrisy? Of course yes it is.

Going to the roots, I think the dowry system is a social evil for which none of us are responsible for, personally. The system was symbolic in the ancient India because women were seen as bhagya Lakshmi – goddess of wealth, purity and fortune. I think the system became ugly when the Muslim rule came. Hindus and all natives were harassed and became poor - and marriage served purpose for them to show off their social status - a false pride - by taking money from the girl’s side. Once the situation changes, as it is already happening now, dowry system would go away.

Also, let us understand that it is not possible for individuals to protest and come out of this system all of a sudden. I would like to share a personal experience with you. The boy didn’t take dowry, but the girl’s side spread a rumor in the society that they had given 12 lakhs of ‘dahej’; in order to enhance their social status. So let us remember that it is not only the boy’s side that uses dowry to show off its high social status - it is the girl’s side too which equally boosts the high dowry paid in order to enhance its social prestige and pride. Therefore, I think we can’t blindly blame only the boy’s side for the dowry system.

I would also like to make two other points on the same page. (1) Harassing brides for dowry is a completely different matter than dowry system; because domestic violence can happen because of a plethora of reasons and insufficient dowry is often made a ‘justification’ for such harassments. Government should be severe in such cases and the guilty should be brought to justice pn priority because dowry-harassments are often contagious – it becomes a norm after some time. (2) Often dowry is given as part of division of family wealth. So in many families daughters are given their ‘share’ at the time of marriage, while sons are given their share after death of parents. This system takes dowry into a completely different plane, as part of a wider and somewhat fair social system.

I think dowry system would go away with time sooner or later, just like it had seeped into our social system. And it would be for the good of all.

- Rahul

PS: I don’t know if it is an appropriate revelation here, but I didn’t ask for dowry at the time of my marriage. But I see the practice as part of a wider social system and at times I don’t find it completely evil.

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